← Previous · All Episodes · Next →
Energy Episode 5


· 36:24


[00:00:00] Mark: What energy level are you bringing today?

[00:00:02] Anya: Oh. Very much Friday morning. Too much week left over. . Yeah, I'm, I'm the, the spirit is cheerful, but the body is, uh, is confused why a duvet is not currently enveloping. It

[00:00:22] Mark: Why am I

[00:00:23] vertical? Welcome to the eighties, ed of happiness with and your peers and me Mark Steadman. Join us as we unpack the science of happiness. One letter at a time. This week. It's E for energy. Are you one of those people who is energized by other people or is it ideas, you know, what is it for you?

[00:00:50] Anya: Well, I mean, isn't that kind of like the it's so funny you said, are you energized by other people? Because I think that is one of the misnomers about being introvert and extrovert. It's, it's kind of, you know, how do you get your energy or, or, or that actually extroverts like being around other people and introverts don't.

[00:01:11] And you know, in, from what I know, in the classic kind of understanding of it, it is more about the energy generation. You know, how do you recharge? And for years, I actually thought I was an introvert because I. Find being around people really tiring. And then I realize it depends on the people, to be honest.

[00:01:34] Mark: Yes. Have you ever seen, uh, the TV show what we do in the Shadow?

[00:01:40] Anya: oh, I haven't, but I, I, I keep meaning

[00:01:43] Mark: There is a character there whose name, uh, will, will, will return to me in a moment. Uh, Colin Robinson who is an energy vam. And, uh, everybody always refers to him by his full name, Colin Robinson. Uh, and that that is, yeah, he, he, he's, he has all these different tactics for zapping people's energy. And of course he works in a sort of cubicle type office and, and does all the things that you would expect someone in a, in an American sort of cubicle office to do to, to sort of drain people's energy.

[00:02:13] And it's just all those little bits of office politics and, oh, Wednesdays, am I right? Uh, you know, it's, it. just being that type of person and it's, it's a wonderful thing to watch.

[00:02:25] Anya: Oh my goodness. Yeah, that, that's it. It's, it has been bumped up my list, . But it, but it's interesting, you know, just kind of thinking on that, you know, the introversion, extroversion, you know, most of us are ambiverts, you know, but in the middle and, and we, and we fluctuate. It's very rare to find someone who's completely on one end of the spectrum or the

[00:02:47] Mark: I still dunno what, what I am in that, in that regard.

[00:02:50] Anya: Yeah, and I think it's, it's just noticing, it's giving yourself what you need because, we, all of us need different kinds of, of, of rest, of recharging, and no matter how extroverted you are, there will be, I'm sure there will be times when someone needs to just be with themselves. They can hear themselves.

[00:03:11] And even the most introverted people, and I've known, I've known a few who, you know, are, well, they may be ambiverts, they're mostly on that, that side of the spectrum, you know, do need to have, just know that there's someone around, you know, the idea of in neurodiversity, I, I've read a lovely piece which said, you know, uh, neurodiverse love languages is, one of them is paralle playl.

[00:03:33] So you can actually be, be in the same space as someone just doing something different and actually having that level of, and then cuz often extraversion suggests interaction. Whereas that just suggests, you know, cohabitation

[00:03:51] Mark: sharing the space.

[00:03:53] Anya: sharing the space and how that can be you know, just in and of itself

[00:03:57] Mark: Yeah. I'm a big fan of.

[00:03:58] Anya: really restorative.

[00:03:59] Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. But I think, particularly thinking about energy, in this regard with other people, We all have all need social rest at some point in the design, in the need to be seen and heard. And also if you are, and I don't know how scientific this is a term as term, but empathic being empathetic, you know, being more sensitive to the energies.

[00:04:26] Feelings and emotions and, and physical bodily sensations of another person. You know, that means that, yeah, you may be particularly sensitive to people who you then, whether you tell, you probably won't tell them that they're an energy vampire, but you can draw people to you who can be really Top up their own cup directly from you in a way which is not entirely healthy for

[00:04:54] Mark: Or easily renewable. Yeah, it's not an easily renewable resource.

[00:04:58] Anya: It's not. It's not.

[00:04:59] Mark: Well, tell me about Spoon Theory.

[00:05:02] Anya: yeah. Cause I think

[00:05:03] Mark: Speaking of segues.

[00:05:03] Anya: the things, speaking of stairways. Cuz one of the ways which I now look at energy is framed to something, a theory coined by Christine Miserandino quite a few years ago now, called the Spoon Theory, which is taken from a chronic health perspective. She has lupus and one day she was in a cafeteria with her best.

[00:05:31] Having lunch. Uh, and she asked her, you know, what was it like having lupus and being chronically ill? And Christine was kind of a little bit dazed by this because she was like, well, you've seen me, you know, taking my pills, you know, physically helping me when I'm incapacitated. But you still don't actually understand what it's like to have my experience.

[00:05:52] And Christine had a flash of inside cla, a flash of inspiration, and she grabbed some spoons. As I said in the cafeteria. She had a dozen spoons laid out in front of her, and the spoon theory is this idea of our actions. Take units of energy and you know, a healthy person when they open their energy cuddly drawer, her spoons, knife, forks, that strange spatula thing, which you're not quite sure where it came from, but it's occasionally useful at Christmas.

[00:06:23] You know, all these different things, all these different utensils, and they have a sense that if they, each time they open the drawer, there's always gonna be some more in. , whereas the spoon theory, if you're chronically ill, and you know, this is something, it's not just people with lupus, but so many of us including myself with chronic fatigue, you know, reopen the draw and we have a very finite number of spoons.

[00:06:44] And when you start to break down actions that you take for granted, like getting up in the morning, you know, the physical action of, you know, managing to get the, the, the covers off. Might take a spoon if you have baby small spoons, you know, being able to get upright. I remember when I was at my most ill it would be day, take me days to shower and I would do it in the morning cuz in the evening I, if I did it in the evening, I didn't have enough energy at that point of the day until to even dry my hair.

[00:07:17] So I had to do it in the morning, but I would get up, have a shower. , and that would be, it would wipe me out so much. I'd have to go back to bed with wet hair. So I had enough ener to sleep enough and rest enough so I'd have enough energy to get up and actually dry my hair and eat. And so the spoon theory is this idea of, you know, we have discreet units of energy and some of us have smaller units and use them up much more quickly than other people.

[00:07:47] And, this is, has been one of the biggest challenges for me is because, you know, my personality is still very energetic, just a little bit, but I noticed, I, I, I make my friend Vicky laugh and I describe myself as a fizzy little thing. And yeah, my physical capacity to Follow my mind at its scampers bounces dances through the world.

[00:08:15] Mark: even.

[00:08:16] Anya: Oh, skitters is a fabulous word, darling. Skitters through the world is, is impaired by, the units of energy I have the difficulty and that it takes for me to recharge them and, and regather them. and how quickly they are spent.

[00:08:35] Mark: D does that lead to, or can that lead to a sense of sort of feeling trapped within your own body? because if you've got this mental energy that fizzes and, and you know, it's, it's the, it's the little, it's the little baracka tablet, but, but you are but it's trying to fizz in a, in a shot glass rather than a, you know, a, a, a a, a high ball.

[00:09:03] Does that Yeah. How, what, what, what's that sensation like?

[00:09:06] Anya: Frustrating

[00:09:11] It's very difficult. We live in a society which tends to make a correlation between self-worth and productivity and having lots of ideas and lots of energy in one in one domain, and being unable to manifest it in a physical one is, is challenging. . You know, I, I can be quite aware sometimes of, of the gap between what I'd like to do and what I'm able to do.

[00:09:41] And it's, and it's, it's in a constant negotiation process between, between all, all aspects of myself, you know, I can't say just two because I, it's a quote quota. Uh, well witness, I contain multitudes and some of them have an argument to ca occasionally . But yeah, just being able to, Try not to be worn out by the mental side of things as well.

[00:10:05] Actually, it can be one of the challenge most challenging things for me because yeah, it's, it's, it's like an en it's like, When you take your car from an mot, they have to do the emissions test and do they have the car on the rollers, you know, revving the engine, but it's not going anywhere. Sometimes it can feel like that, and there can be an awful lot of emissions as I call, you know, insecure thinking.

[00:10:27] Mark: Oh, as opposed to like flatulence. Okay.

[00:10:31] Anya: Well, I often think in insecure thinking is just

[00:10:33] Mark: mental

[00:10:34] gas. Yes.

[00:10:35] Anya: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Cuz we're digesting things and just cuz you know you have a thought in your head doesn't mean it's true. Doesn't mean it's real, doesn't even mean it's really what you think. It just means you've got a thought in your head, as I call it, wind

[00:10:46] Mark: Um. Oh, that's, Ooh, ooh. I like that. As someone who's, sorry, just, just a, just a quick sidebar and then we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll talk about three prompts. Um, but as someone who often gets those, uh, Unhelpful. Re re reminders of things past, uh, of things I've said or done that bring a, an absolute shiver to my spine that I sort of have to shake out.

[00:11:13] I love the idea of just going, oh, nope. Just, uh, little bit of, little bit of mental wind there. Um, you know, it's, it's just, it's, yeah, that's, that's, that's quite helpful actually. Rather than feel like it has to be, uh, you know, exercised out, you foul demonn to actually just. Huh. Ah, there we go. It's quite, that's quite useful.

[00:11:33] Anya: Because cuz to, to me it is this thing of, you know, it is, you think about the way the mind digests things and sometimes it, it go, it chews things over. And you think about your own physical digestive system, how that can get, you can get bloated, you can get, you know, you can get pains and you can feel uncomfortable.

[00:11:51] And then, you know, you pa it passes. Um, you didn't have to do anything the, like, the natural process. You know, helped in allow that to go through and things. Naturally it's, it's the being attached to the potential significance, oh, if I'm thinking about this all the time, you know, does that, does, does that make it significant?

[00:12:10] It's kinda like, no, you just kind of, your subconscious is chiming something over cuz it can't quite digest.

[00:12:15] Mark: then so, so weirdly that that comes back on itself in the fact that if you do the mental digestion too much, or if you do it badly, then you actually end up with a physical ailment, like an ulcer or, or you know, some other kind of problem That actually does affect the digestive system as I have experienced in my life.

[00:12:35] Anya: Yeah. As a, as a lot of us have actually. and, and, and it actually can go both ways. You know, the gut-brain access, you know, there's, there's lots of research coming up now, which shows how much our gut biome influences our mental wellbeing and our mental

[00:12:50] Mark: Oh.

[00:12:51] Anya: So, um, and you know, the, and there's a, a study I read recently which suggested there's a correlation between, or the noticing the high instance between people who experienced depression and anxiety and, uh, digestive issues simultaneously.

[00:13:06] So, and I, I know for myself, when I was at my most depressed, I was actually going to the doctor with, you know, di with digestive issues and that, and at certain point, They were promising, offering, threatening to put a camera down my throat. At which point I was like, look, I've been reading enough books to know that this is probably psychosomatic in my particular case.

[00:13:26] And the doctor going, wow, wow, you, you like really? And it's like, yeah, cuz I, I, I, no, even though I wasn't able to articulate exactly what it was. You know, I had a strong sense, you know, my, my, I don't wanna say my inner wisdom. I just thinking I'd read enough, Louise, hey, but I just sense that there was something which I, I wasn't digesting.

[00:13:47] And certainly it's really interesting in the last few years, even despite my illness, which often includes digestive issues they have abated. You know, considerably, the more I've done self-work, the more that I've, uh, meditated and self-compassion, actually being able to digest myself as I am without trying to, you know, put up too much of a fight against, you know, me being me has been really helpful for that.

[00:14:17] Mark: So, uh, let's look at, let's look at, uh, let's look at our three questions. The first one being, where are you slash we, I guess, where are we directing our energy? Uh, and I, I, I like this idea that we, we've talked before, privately about the away towards and against principles.

[00:14:37] Anya: A Hoon and Karen Horny, I think it is, uh, or horny. She came up with this idea that it's kind of like a defense mechanism and we can either, Move away from something, which is give you a classic flight response. We can, we can respond, we can move towards something that is frightening us, which is like the phoning, we're trying to pacify something or we can be against, which is of course your fight instinct.

[00:15:06] You know, you can like, okay, put 'em up, put, put up your dukes. This is something that I, I, I've, I've sometimes had to ask myself, you know, am I directing my energies towards protecting myself from something, moving away from something? And I think, you know, we all have, I think I might've said this here before, you know, we only accept the truths that we can bear. And actually putting my energy into distracting myself, removing myself, whether it's literally or physically or am I putting my energy into other people, you know, moving the locus of control, locus of power, you know, into other people's hands and being. You know, very concerned about them and what they're doing and what they think the people pleasing.

[00:15:51] Come on, show our hands, people , you know, being, you know, putting all my energy into other people or, you know, with the against thing. I always think of, you know, particularly an acceptance of commitment training. This idea of you know, not accepting things, you know, railing against them. . And whereas if we are able to just be with difficult experiences and be led by our values, you know, it's that it's a, it's a real process, but, and a skill, but we can learn it, you know, to be in contact with something that's uncomfortable, be in contact with someone else, being uncomfortable as well, and choosing, to respond in a way.

[00:16:34] is, is at least somewhat aligned to our heart's desire of who we want to be in the world. You know, I, I've had a, I had a very difficult conversation yesterday with someone who really triggered my survival instinct and, and, and, and it was just in a flash. It's just something that they said that, like a situation came up and I felt very, I felt the relationship I had of them being

[00:16:57] Mark: Mm.

[00:16:58] Anya: and it was really interesting to feel the visceral response. You know, that I wanted to, to immediately want to push them away, , protect myself, you know, to get angry. And then, you know, to, to pacify them and things. And then I just like, hang on, how do I want to be here? What, how do I want to respond in this situation?

[00:17:22] And just choosing, you know, to be really honest, you know, but in, in a, in a self owning way, you know, uh, I feel X because. Not a you, you made me feel this, or whatever. You know, the, the accusatory, the blaming kind of stance. And actually just admitting, you know, when I got that news, you know, my stomach flipped, you know, and I felt anxious and, and threatened, you know, 10 minutes later I'm, I'm, I'm calmer. I managed to reregulate myself, but that was my visceral reaction, you know, and this person was really actually, cuz we have a very good, open communication, was very relieved to, you know, it was very sad that I'd had the experience, but very glad that I was able to experience with them.

[00:18:03] Yeah. Shared the experience with them. And so Just thinking about these things of, you know, how you direct your energy. Where, how are you trying to use, sit to protect yourself from the, from a direct experience of

[00:18:15] Mark: Hmm,

[00:18:16] Anya: can be can be an interesting one.

[00:18:18] Mark: and that makes me think about what we say yes to, what we say no to. What we allow and what we and what we don't allow. Either in or I guess yeah. What, you know, what we're, what we're not allowing to affect us or, or we're not allowing ourselves to have to do.

[00:18:33] Anya: Yeah. Yeah. Because it is something, you know, that Oliver Berkman in the wonderful book 4,000 Weeks talks about the fact that, you know, we have an infinite to-do list, and by choosing to say yes to something, Because we have a finite time on this planet, it is inevitable that, you know, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are not using that, that same energy for something else.

[00:18:57] We don't have that. We can't reuse that energy again and. Actually just thinking, I, I, there was a lovely piece by Daniel Laport, who I mentioned I think last week with the desire map. She did, she got a piece, a, uh, a blog post called Talking about a Stop Doing List. And you know, she asked the marketing genius, Seth Golden for his, and he wrote down, I think just did about, about a dozen of these. And I'll only give a couple, but the, these are the ones that really kind of jump out for me, I will stop keeping score in games. I don't need to win and keeping scoring games. I can't win and wasting time on people I can't Please.

[00:19:38] Mark: It's weird to think that that's such a wonderful peak into, into someone like him, because, you know, I'm not gonna take us on a golden tip here, but it's, it's interesting to, to have that sort of peak inside for someone who you don't think of as necessarily because he's so secure in his, in his ideas and,

[00:19:57] Anya: Well, I mean literally like two of the other things on his list are trying so hard when it came to persuading other people to change their minds and working for jerks,

[00:20:07] Mark: you know, you would assume that he only has to work with people who also feel the same. And so it is interesting that he also is someone who feels like, yeah, he's playing games that he doesn't need to play or trying to win games that he doesn't need to, or trying to convince people. And it's, I, it's, I, I find that assuring that someone is successful, uh, and I think as, as wise as him, uh, also suffers from some of the same things that us mortals do.

[00:20:35] Anya: Wow. You know, look, any excuse to mention self-compassion, but it is one of the three pillars is common humanity actually realizing that you're not alone and so often, You know, we compare our insights to other people's

[00:20:47] outsides, as the phrase has it, you know, and we compare the despair and just knowing that, you know, yes, someone like Seth Godin is also mortal, also human also puts his socks on one foot at a time and, tries to, to, to win games, which it, it, it's just impossible to do so.

[00:21:07] Mark: so.

[00:21:07] next up then is looking at what gives us energy. What can you tell me about strengths?

[00:21:12] Anya: Well, I mean, it's one of the core tenets of positive psychology really is talking about, because so often what makes us unhappy is we are focusing on the things that we can't do. And we magnify them up. You know, I think I mentioned in the belonging thing, the, um, the idea of the, the, the big eye little eye exercise.

[00:21:32] And there'll be a PDF for that in the show notes where we draw, so draw a big eye and then we, we think, and we put a tiny little eye in for each one of our attributes or qualities. and we realized that you know, we can't be sum summarized in just one of those little eyes. You know, we are a big eye that contains all these different things.

[00:21:50] and so many people without support might put in all of their faults, all of their weaknesses. You know, oh, I can't do this. Oh, I can't do that. And define themselves by what they're not able to do. And strength is a way of recognizing. Very often. I think it, one of the things which I find with strength actually is it's at its best when other people help you to find them. Because so often we take for granted or don't even notice the things that we are good at

[00:22:26] because, well, it's just us. Well, it's just me. That's just something that, yeah, you know, and we kind of like dismiss and. Someone goes, no, you are really good at x, you're really good at this. You know, I, I, I see you doing that and I really admire it because you, you seem so

[00:22:42] Mark: mm.

[00:22:43] Anya: And it's like, well, yes, cuz it comes naturally to me and I'm not really even thinking

[00:22:48] Mark: or even like I have to do, like that's, that's how I have to operate. You know what I mean? Like it's, I have to do these things, so I don't even think about it. That's the only way it occurs to me to behave in this situation.

[00:22:58] Anya: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, there's a positive and negative to this because it's the difference between choice and compulsion for me. Uh, you know, our mutual friend, uh, the wonderful Matthew Bellinger talks about empathy is a learnt trauma response. And you know, I think both, you know, both of us will probably have people coming, you know, having a conversation and going, oh, you know, sensing that feel, you know, getting that sense of being seen and heard, and that's empathizing with them and, and feeling what they're feeling and things.

[00:23:31] And, you know, a strength taken too far becomes a weakness. Again, if, if you overdo a strength, you know too much or use it without discrimination. , you know, you can actually cause more, more, more harm than

[00:23:45] Mark: Yeah, I mean, watch. Watch any of the Of the spiders. Spiders, man.

[00:23:48] the spider. Yes. The spiders man. And, uh, and you, you, you know, within the first sort of 20 minutes, like that's, that's exactly what you are seeing. Um, uncle Ben had it, right?

[00:23:58] Anya: he did. He did. and It's hard sometimes. I, I like the strengths profile, um, st I think strengths profile.com, their take on it and though others do it as well of, their definition of strengths are things that you are good at and energize you, which can be quite difficult to pass from things that are learned behaviors, which are things you are good at, but actually drain.

[00:24:24] And I think for a lot of us, we get paid for the learned behaviors and we long to do the ones which come naturally to us and energize us simultaneously. And you know, I love. Particularly I, you know, looking at designing, you know, our lives around these things. You know, there is, uh, uh, Dave Evans and Bill Burnett's wonderful book.

[00:24:49] Designing Your Life actually has a wonderful exercise where you just keep a diary for a week on and marking, jotting down some activities and on two dials, one of them is engagement and the other one is,

[00:25:02] Mark: Mm.

[00:25:03] Anya: and actually note it. And the two may not be the same. You can be really engaged with something, but it actually depletes you and actually have starting to find nuance in these things. And then breaking that down further, you know, what was it about it? You know, an exercise or, or an activity. Felt so good. Was it the people, the environment? Was it the context? And just getting this data so that we can start to move the dials intentionally for ourselves and in our lives and, and crafting something which allows us to experience our energy more sustainably, more of the time.

[00:25:46] Mark: Well, the next question that occurs to me, because it's here on the. Is, uh, is how we can use our energy to help us navigate. And, uh, I know that you are a, uh, a Martha Beck fan, Stan perhaps,

[00:26:04] Anya: A Little

[00:26:05] Mark: and I believe she has something to say on the matter.

[00:26:07] Anya: She does, she does. I mean, I, I'm loving her book, finding Your Own North Star, which is, you know, if you are listening right now and going, ah, I dunno, this all sounds lovely and fluffy, but how, how do I do this shit? She's got tons of examples and stories. You know, for her, she originally started as a, a chi, a scholar of Chinese, you know, she's Amer a white American and she, but she grew up in a very academic household and it was pretty much the hardest subject you she could study.

[00:26:42] And she threw all her brain and all her might at it and. Was constantly lethargic, constantly fatigued, and she was in a bookshop and she's looking at an art book, and the thought came into her. What if you could be an artist? And she's had like this, this transcendental moment for about 10 minutes of a sudden soaring of energy.

[00:27:14] She suddenly life stopped being in black and white and came into color as she thought about changing her, her, her, uh, her, her degree to study art. I. And then she was like, oh no, but I've invested in doing this and I've got to finish it, and no one will. What will people think if I change my subject? And the rules came closing in.

[00:27:37] Yeah, sunk cost fallacy. Yeah. And, and, and also, you know, this, this fear cuz she talks about you know, the social self, the social self, or as we might call it, the ego, whatever, was very invested in what other people thought of her. and doing the right thing of being this academic person who followed the rules, did it all right.

[00:27:59] You know, would become a, become a, a scholar and a lecturer, even if it killed her. And it kind of was. And she know, she talks time and time again with different examples of people who she's coached, who. Part of their ailment and you know, you can tell, take the word ailment as you know, physical, mental, emotional, whatever.

[00:28:17] Part of their challenge was that they were thwarting constantly thwarting their, their aliveness, their innate sense of being drawn to something which would awaken their soul. And I think this is how, you know, we can use our energy as a, as a way to help us navigate is kinda like the Michael Neal thing. He often talks about playing a, you know, a, a game of hotter or colder.

[00:28:43] You know, we can often sit and think ourselves into a situation, but there's so much that can occur, which we cannot even contemplate or fat. , particularly if our brain is already full of mental gas. You know, we're already digest, we're spending so much time chewing on our own

[00:29:00] thoughts. But yeah, rather than actually having contact with the present moment and putting, you know, this idea of there being an an, an aliveness, uh, that how life wants to live through us.

[00:29:14] And it can only do that if we are taking even just like half a step towards something, we'll get feedback, we'll get data and then we'll know, okay, am I getting towards something? Does it feel warmer? Do I feel bigger, expansive, more alive, or do I feel colder? Which is then, you know, neither of these are good or bad.

[00:29:35] It's just data and just, and just recognizing that actually, you know, it's something which I know your brilliant at is shipping. You know, and getting things out there and actually just taking action, you know, allows for you to advance for all of us to get some kind of feedback. And we may not like it.

[00:29:56] You know, a number of times I've put myself out on the line and and the universe is going, oh honey, I mean, I love your ambition. Go, well done, but no. Excellent effort darling. And, and maybe not. And yet that has still been, I mean, it's an old, it's an old n o p phrase, isn't it?

[00:30:19] There is no failure, only feedback. And actually it can be such an act of. Ordinary courage as Brene Brown would put it, an ordinary courage would've been just been able to take a step to actually see how the universe responds to us. And only by doing that can we actually get a sense of where we are in the world, you know, through being in contact with it and our experience.

[00:30:43] Mark: There's a couple of things that, that are coming to mind and, and one of them is I'm planning a big, a big life changing move, and I've put it off for so long because I've had these preconceived notions of what would stand in my way. But when I decided to ship it as an idea, you know, and, and actually just take that sort of kinetic energy, uh, that, that I have towards creative projects and just say, well, what if I started. and so far it's very early days, but so far the feedback that I'm getting from from everyone I is is, is really cautiously positive. I, you know, I, I thought I would face a lot more resistance than I am, and, and so at the moment, a lot of the resistance is my own cautiousness. , whereas I was expecting a lot more gatekeeping and a lot more finger wagging and a lot more, have you really thought this through?

[00:31:37] And it's like, actually I, I sort of, it's not that I have thought it all through because if I thought it all through, I'd never do it. I'm thinking it through in stages.

[00:31:45] Anya: Yeah, you're, you, you are thinking it

[00:31:47] Mark: Yeah. I'm taking a step and then I'm thinking about the next step and I'm taking a step rather than trying to lay out the whole plan and get everything because I've, that's been the idea for the last three years and I've made no progress on it. It wasn't until I decided let's, uh, to, to quote the street, let's push things forward.

[00:32:04] Um, the one and only time I'll ever to quote the streets. It was, it was at that point where you, you start to look at these things that we think of as a a as barriers and, um, and the energy is, is a lot more warm and a lot more positive and a lot more open and spacious and yeah, full of, full of possibility than the idea that doors are constantly being closed. And so that's, um, that's, that's been quite a thing. So yeah, small, small steps.

[00:32:33] Anya: Small steps, and this is how we generate momentum.

[00:32:38] Mark: Yeah.

[00:32:39] Anya: And, and, and it is that, that, you know, look, I I, I, I have people who have actual proper science degrees, so they can explain it far better than I can. Um, One of, one of them is an astrophysicist, if I recall the Karl losses correct thing. But, but yeah, this idea now, it takes a lot of much more energy to get an object into motion.

[00:32:58] But once it's in motion, It's, uh, it can generate its own momentum through that, not, and actually I think for a lot of it, if we can redirect all our energy used in thinking and planning and worrying and over-planning and overthinking and over worrying, and actually just put a li you know, where are you placing your energy?

[00:33:20] Where are you directing your energy? A friend of. Has decided to spend an hour a week doing something and, and she just thinks, you know, just by committing an hour a week to it. That, that will mount up. It's not much, but it's, it's, it's a hundred percent. It's like so much she's not doing anything in that realm at the moment.

[00:33:40] Mark: Yep.

[00:33:41] Anya: and, you know, the universe, you know, the universe works with us, you know, if, if we allow it, and she in particular is, is, is phenomenal at that. And it's just allowing ourselves to start actually. And be intentional with our energy and the momentum that it can carry in our life towards where we want to go, rather than away fearful of the things that we don't want.

[00:34:06] Mark: Well, to finish us off I wonder if, if by any small chance you, you had some wise words from, um, Rainier, Maria Reka, Reka

[00:34:15] I took

[00:34:16] a good run up at that, didn't I?

[00:34:17] Anya: Yeah, you talk such. I I mean, I, I, every time I've said, uh, his name previously, I've always, he's always so, always sounded like John, Luke, uh, Picard's, second in command. I'm not, I'm kidding you. Not , but Yes. I was trying to think of something to. To close with on this topic about energy and I came across, uh, Reno Maria Wilks as once the ringed energy of delight. And I thought this with a closing line in particular seemed very apt

[00:34:47] As wants the winged energy of delight carried you over childhood's, dark abysses. Now beyond your own life. Build the great arch of unimagined bridges. Wonders happen if we can succeed in passing through the harshest danger, but only in a bright and purely granted achievement. Can we realize the wonder?

[00:35:15] To work with things in the indescribable relationship is not hard for us. The pattern grows more intricate and subtle, and being swept along is not enough. Take your practiced powers and stretch them out until they span the chasm between two contradictions. For the God wants to know himself in you.


[00:35:43] Mark: The A to Z of Happiness is presented by Anya Pearse and me, Mark Steadman. It's produced by Origin and you can find us at atozofhappiness.com, where you'll also find links to the things we discussed. If you know someone who could benefit from hearing this episode, please share it with them, whichever way is easiest for you. Take care and do join us again next week on the A to Z of Happiness.

View episode details

Creators and Guests

Anya Pearse
Anya Pearse
Intuitive adviser, facilitator, and positive psychology practitioner.
Mark Steadman
Mark Steadman
Coach helping digital creatives with big feelings


Listen to The A to Z of Happiness using one of many popular podcasting apps or directories.

Apple Podcasts Spotify Google Podcasts Overcast Pocket Casts Amazon Music
← Previous · All Episodes · Next →